Friday, 23 January 2009

The Recapper's Guide to Stargate SG-1

So, I was trying to do a Top Ten Stargate SG-1 list of episodes that I was possibly going to recap. It was too hard. So here's the Recapper's guide to Stargate SG-1. Thanks go to Wikipedia from whom I shamelessly ripped my episode descriptions.

Stargate: The film
Daniel’s dead, sir: Part 1
It was buried in the sands of Egypt. But it’s not anymore and we can travel through it to other planets! How cool is that? Plus, James Spader!

An interstellar teleportation device, found in Egypt, leads to a planet with humans resembling ancient Egyptians who worship the god Ra.

Children of the Gods (101 & 102)
It’s the beginning. Other than that: not much to say. (Did you know that Carter’s a GIRL!)

The Stargate Program is revived when Apophis, an alien of the same race as Ra, comes to Earth through the gate seeking hosts. Jack O'Neill and new SG-1 recruit Samantha Carter are sent to Abydos to locate, and bring back, Daniel Jackson.

O'Neill and Daniel befriend Apophis' first prime Teal'c, a Jaffa (one who is an incubator to a larval Goa'uld), and Teal'c joins their side. He helps SG-1 return to Earth, though they cannot save Daniel's wife Sha're and his friend Skaara, who have been taken as hosts.

Cold Lazarus (106)
The phallus tries to heal Jack O’Neill by finding him a son. Don’t blame the phallus; it’s just trying to survive. Oh, and it has Carter’s face. No, really.

By the work of a strange blue crystal, a duplicate of Jack O'Neill returns to the SGC in his place. When the real Jack returns, they locate the alien, who, they discover, was only trying to heal Jack's pain over the loss of his son.

Singularity (114)
I cried. ‘Nough said. Amanda Tapping kicks ass.

On the planet Hanka (P8X-987, ), SG-1 rescues a small girl who turns out to have had an inoperable Naqahdah bomb put in her by Nirrti to destroy the SGC.

Solitudes (117)
Ok, so it was probably made to save money on sets and extras but this little character piece is pretty darn powerful, mainly because Amanda Tapping kicks ass.

Carter and O'Neill are stranded on an icy planet when the Stargate malfunctions on their return journey to Earth.

There but for the Grace of God (119)
Everybody dies. Daniel lives. Am I watching the right show?

On P3R-233, Daniel finds a strange alien mirror and is accidentally transported into an alternate universe. Before he returns, he learns that Apophis will attack Earth in ships from a certain Stargate address.

Within the Serpent's Grasp (121) and The Serpent's Lair (201)
Listen to Daniel, Daniel is always right: Part 1.
Daniel’s dead, sir: Part 4.
You want Stargate, it’s all here. Goa’uld and running around mother ships and “Jaffa! Kree!” and Daniel dies and well, let’s just say, I suggest the drinking game.

SG-1 uses the Stargate to go to , the address Daniel discovered. This turns out to be Apophis' ship, where they find that Skaara has been made host to Apophis' son Klorel. The ship reaches Earth, and the fate of the world hangs in the balance.

Teal'c's former mentor Bra'tac joins their fight and together they embark on a mission of planting bombs to destroy Apophis' ship and halt the attack on Earth. Eventually they destroy the two ships and escape in Death Gliders.

One False Step (219)
A minor episode that most fans barely remember but that I enjoy. Daniel’s a goose and that’s always fun.

After a UAV crashes into a large white plant off-world (PJ2-445), SG-1 encounters inhabitants who appear to be dying en masse. SG-1 discover that the aliens depend on the large plants for survival because of an essential infrasound they emit, and rectify the situation.

A Matter of Time (216)
Between you and me, I LOVE technobabble.

SG-10 stranded on the planet designated P3W-451, which is close to a newly formed black hole. The SGC opens the gate to find out what happened, but they can't shut it down afterwards. Soon they realise that since the planet is near to a black hole, its intense gravity is causing time dilation, so if they don't shut down the gate very soon, it will destroy the SGC, and in time, the entire planet.

Forever in a Day (310)
The writers remember one of their characters has a life and move swiftly to rectify the situation. Bye-bye Sha’re “the porn star version”. You were miscast but hey, at least they remembered you existed.

After being found on P8X-873, Daniel's wife Sha're is killed by Teal'c to prevent the Goa'uld controlling her from killing Daniel. Jackson then starts seeing visions of a residual thought transferred to him by Sha're in the last moments - he must find her son, a Harcesis.

Maternal Instinct (320)
I love Daniel, you love Daniel, even powerful ascended beings love Daniel!

Daniel knows that the Harcesis is on a planet called Kheb; Bra'tac knows how to get there as it is the planet that the Jaffa believe to be the destination of their soul after death (P9C-292, ). They find a Zen monk who teaches Daniel about the ways of Ascension and an ascended being (Oma Desala) saves the child.

The Other Side (402)
Listen to Daniel, Daniel is always right: Part 2.

SG-1 travels to Euronda to help a technologically-advanced world of humans who are losing a war against an unknown enemy. Jack and Daniel fall out because Daniel believes they’re hiding something but O'Neill does not want to jeopardize their alliance.

Window of Opportunity (406)
Jack and Teal’c are the fruit in the loops in this episode where Jack’s breakfast says it all in less than 10 seconds. Consistently voted best Stargate SG-1 episode ever.

After an encounter with an Ancient time device on P4X-639, O'Neill and Teal'c get trapped in a time loop that only they know about.

The First Ones (408)
I love Daniel, you love Daniel, even Unas love Daniel! Meet Chaka for the first time and eat Goa’uld.

While helping with the excavation of fossilized Goa'uld on P3X-888, the homeworld of the Goa'uld and the Unas, Daniel Jackson is captured by the Unas Chaka. The rest of SG-1 tries to find him.

2010 (416)
In case you didn’t know that accountants were evil, meet the Aschen.

In an alternate timeline, Earth has defeated the Goa'uld with the help of the Aschen, a bland and humorless advanced people from an world designated P4C-970. Earth discovers too late that the Aschen plan to depopulate the planet by secretly sterilizing much of the population through life-extending drugs.

2001 (510)
Accountants are evil. Oh, and the Aschen are evil too.

SG-1 discovers an agricultural planet named Volia (P3A-194, ), whose inhabitants introduce them to their more technologically advanced neighbours, the Aschen, who propose an alliance with Earth. Sequel to season 4’s 2010.

Wormhole Extreme! (512)
Sci-fi shows are ridiculous. Let’s find out why.

When Stargate Command learns of a television show whose premise closely resembles its operations, SG-1 investigates. They find that an alien named Martin Lloyd is giving the producers their ideas.

Fail Safe (517)
“I saw this movie. It hits Paris.”

SG-1 must stop a rogue asteroid on a collision course with Earth using their Goa'uld cargo ship.

Menace (519)
I love Daniel, you love Daniel, even psychotic civilisation-destroying robots love Daniel!

The team finds an android that somehow managed to survive a Replicator attack. They learn she is the mother of all Replicators, but has the mentality of a young child.

Meridian (521)
Daniel’s dead, sir: Part 5.

Daniel incurs lethal radiation exposure when he prevents a potentially cataclysmic accident in a weapons laboratory on the planet Langara (P9Y-4C3). While the alien government responsible for the lab accuses him of attempting to sabotage their research, the Kelownan Jonas Quinn tries to negotiate with SG-1.

The Changeling (619)
I can’t snark. This episode’s great. Oh, and it has Daniel in it.

Teal'c finds himself jumping between different realities of Earth; one where he is a firefighter about to undergo an operation to remove a kidney.

Full Circle (622)
Jonas? Who’s Jonas?

Daniel contacts Jack O'Neill and tells him that Anubis has located the Eye of Ra, an enormously powerful weapon. SG-1 must get the Eye from Abydos, before Anubis. Anubis appears over the planet and threatens to destroy it.

Fallen (701)
Daniel. Naked. Oh, and other stuff happens too.

Daniel is found living on Vis Uban ("place of great power", P4T-3G6), a planet where the Ancients began building their greatest city when they were struck by a plague. Although Daniel has total amnesia, he helps SG-1 to destroy Anubis' superweapon.

Revisions (705)
Do you remember back when SG-1 had the budget to, you know, actually travel to other planets?

P3X-289 has a toxic atmosphere but there is a forcefield dome protecting an idyllic village. That is, idyllic except for the fact that its inhabitants are disappearing one by one without noticing it themselves.

Enemy Mine (707)
Listen to Daniel, Daniel is always right: Part 3.

SGC have found a planet with rich deposits of Naqahdah but the local population of Unas do not welcome the mining team.

Heroes Parts 1 and 2 (717&718)
Best. Episode. Ever.
Crap ending. No really, what was with those last 3 minutes? Why take an intelligent and insightful and emotional and bloody tragic piece of fantastic story-writing and drape the American flag over it? Best episode ever about them making what was apparently the worst documentary ever.

A film crew arrive at SGC to make a documentary but find their welcome less than enthusiastic.

Help is sent to rescue of an SG member who is unable to get to the gate. However, on the mission, a member of the SGC is killed.

The Lost City Parts 1 and 2 (721&722)
Space battles. Things explode. What more could you possibly want?

The SGC locates a Repository of the Ancients on P3X-439 and when Anubis attacks, O'Neill downloads their knowledge into his brain again. Finally, Bra'tac warns SG-1 that Anubis plans an attack on Earth. Hammond is replaced by Dr. Elizabeth Weir.

As Anubis' fleet arrives, SG-1 flies to Proclarush Taonas ( ), a planet with an Ancient outpost and a ZPM. SG-1 locate another outpost in Antarctica back on Earth, from where O'Neill is able to destroy Anubis' fleet using the Ancient weapon.

Prometheus Unbound (812)
Silliest. Episode. Ever. Ok, silliest episode ever until like the entire of Season 9. Suggest the drinking game – for at least four hours before you watch it.

The crew of the Prometheus are incapacitated and removed, except Daniel, when it is hijacked by Vala Mal Doran.

Citizen Joe (815)
If you feel you absolutely have to do a flashback episode (and you don’t, people, you really don’t), then this is best you could do.

An Indiana barber who carries the ATA Gene has his life ruined when, through an Ancient device, he begins to have visions of SG-1's missions. His life is given back to him when O'Neill informs his nearly-divorced wife of what had been going on.

Reckoning Parts 1 & 2 (816 & 817)
Daniel’s dead, sir: Part 6.
Amanda Tapping kicks ass.
But it all turns out ok in the end because of the phallus. The phallus will save us all.

Teal'c is preparing the Jaffa rebellion to capture the Holy planet Dakara, where the first larval Goa'uld implantation took place. Daniel is abducted by RepliCarter so she can discover the location of the Dakara Superweapon in his subconscious. Ba'al also moves his forces to Dakara by the order of Anubis.

Struggling with RepliCarter, Daniel halts the Replicators long enough for Samantha Carter, Jacob Carter, and Ba'al to use a combination of the device that dials every Stargate in the galaxy and the Dakara Superweapon to destroy all Replicators. But RepliCarter kills Daniel Jackson.

Threads (818)
The show’s been cancelled, right? Let’s wrap it all up. You know what that means? Yep. Daniel. Naked. Oh, and the Goa’uld are destroyed and the Jaffa are finally free or something. Don’t forget to worship the phallus.

Daniel Jackson must choose death or powerless Ascension whilst Anubis plans to end all life in the galaxy using the Dakara Superweapon – until Oma Desala stops him. Jacob Carter and Selmak are in trouble. Daniel is returned to human form on Earth.

Avalon (Part 1&2) and Origin (Part 3)
Oh crap, they've given us another season and everyone has resigned or taken maternity leave. Hey, bring back Vala. She's fun and annoys Daniel a.k.a our only surviving staff member. Claudia Black kicks ass, ridiculous outfit notwithstanding. Shave, Daniel, shave.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell is recruited by the SGC as leader of SG-1 but finds the original SG-1 has disbanded. Trying to find out how to bring them back together, Vala Mal Doran arrives with an artifact which could reveal an ancient treasure, and he finds this his only opportunity to reunite the team.

After passing all of the tests found in Avalon, the makeshift SG-1 discovers the treasure, along with an Ancient long-range communication device. Hoping to find actual Ancients, Daniel and Vala are given control of the bodies of two people in a distant galaxy. Although... it's not what they expected.

Daniel and Vala discover the Ori. The Ori, like the Ancients, are ascended beings, but evil entities that feel the need to be worshipped. Now that the Ori know of life in another galaxy, they begin to send their missionaries, Priors, through the Stargate. The first planet visited by a Prior in the Milky Way is P3X-421.

The Powers That Be (905)
Vala has met Daniel reincarnated and now her redemption begins. Claudia Black kicks ass.

In order to steer the planet P8X-412 away from Origin, SG-1 is tricked by Vala into going to the planet she previously ruled as a Goa'uld. The inhabitants of the planet know nothing of the downfall of the parasites, and they believe that Vala is still their god.

Prototype (909)
Listen to Daniel, Daniel is always right: Part 4.

SG-1 finds a man frozen in Ancient stasis on P3X-584, and brings him back to the SGC to find out his story. But when Daniel researches the laboratory where the man was found, he discovers that he was grown by Anubis to be a genetically advanced human.

The Fourth Horseman Parts 1&2 (910)
Struggling to find a decent episode in Season 9? This is pretty well it.

When a disease breaks out across America, evidence leads it to be the Ori's doing. Preparing to track down a viable cure, an old friend takes on an unfamiliar human form to help out, but it might not be enough when the team's adverse ally joins the Ori.

While Orlin is working on a cure for the Prior plague, Mitchell and Daniel capture a Prior offworld to further the research of the antidote. Teal'c tries to stop Gerak, now a Prior, from corrupting the entire Jaffa Council towards Origin.

The Scourge (917)
Yes, it’s a shameless rip-off of every “base under siege” horror film (and Starship Troopers of course) but they hung a lantern on it so we don’t care.

When a group of Earth diplomats go on a tour on the off-world Gamma Site research base, it is over-run with a carnivorous Ori-engineered “space bug” able to strip a human to the bone in moments.

Counterstrike (1007)
The phallus is out of control! Destroy the phallus!

Deadly battles erupt between the Ori, led by Adria, and the Jaffa, after 100,000 villagers are wiped out by a powerful energy wave that Adria believes was SG-1's doing. She captures Daniel and Vala and uses her powers against them to determine the nature of the weapon.

200 (1006)
Bwahahaha! An entire episode where every word out of everyone’s mouth is a sci-fi/SG-1 n in-joke. Fantastic! 10/10. Awesome. Actually, I think I’d better go watch it again…

Martin Lloyd contacts the SGC, looking for their assistance in writing a feature movie to follow up Wormhole X-treme, allowing the audience to see some of the team's most creative fantasies. It also marks Colonel Mitchell's 200th time through the event horizon, and is the 200th episode in the series.

Memento Mori (1008)
I love Daniel, you love Daniel, even Vala loves Daniel. Oh, we already knew that.

During a dinner out, Vala is captured by the Goa'uld Athena, where she attempts to pry memories out of Vala's subconscious during her time as a host. When things go wrong, Vala develops amnesia and goes on the run.

The Quest Part 1&2 (1010&1011)
I love Daniel, you love Daniel, even Adria loves...Baal? Oh, don't get me wrong. It's cool and Claudia Black kicks ass but otherwise? You need to watch it for Season 10 to make sense. Tell me what you think about my theory that Vala communicated her love for Daniel to Adria when she carried her. Hey, it's worth watching just for Vala's "Darryl?" line.

SG-1 continues its search for the anti-Ori weapon, whilst Ba'al appears to be one step ahead of them. They visit a medieval world where they have to pass a series of tests... which none have ever passed. Now SG-1 must team up with their enemies to find it.

The Quest continues for the anti-Ori weapon, with Adria close behind. Eventually they find Merlin, frozen in stasis. Because the first Sangraal was destroyed, Merlin starts construction of a new one, but when he appears to die it is up to Daniel to complete the weapon.

Bad Guys (1016)
Why do I like this episode? I don’t know. It’s just fun.

The team gates to a planet where they discover that the DHD is a prop in an exhibit, in turn, when they ask for help they appear to have come out of nowhere. Now SG-1's mistaken for hostage-taking rebels and they are forced to play the part in order to survive.

Unending (1020)
Remember the Asgard? Well, they’re dead. But whether you like this episode or hate it, “that’s it folks!” so it’s best to just go along for the ride.

The Asgard summon SG-1 to tell them that their experiments to halt their genetic degeneration have failed, meaning they are a dying race. Because of this, the Asgard have decided to give "everything [they] have and know" to the Tau'ri. When the Ori show up Carter puts up a time dilation field around the Odyssey to prevent its destruction.

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