A Haven for Audrey Parker Theories

With the supernatural mystery series that is Haven returning to our screens on July 15, it’s inspired me to start some speculation on the surprisingly-interesting Stephen King inspired programme.

Haven’s first season aired last year and did not exactly send the airwaves buzzing with excitement. It has most noticeably failed the YouTube fan video test of new cultural zeitgeists. Its final episode should, by all rights, have spawned a great deal of internet excitement and speculation about the twists and revelations it contained. That it did not serves to demonstrate the extent to which the show has failed to grip the popular imagination. For this reason, we’re lucky to have a season 2 at all.

Haven follows FBI agent Audrey Parker, sent to the titular small Maine township to track down an escaped federal prisoner. Following the revelation of the town’s strange supernatural happenings and of a 1983 photo that contains a woman that looks remarkably like her, Parker decides to stay in town to unlock her own past.

She is helped (or is she?) both by local Haven PD detective, Nathan Wuornos and by local smuggler and rackish bad boy, Duke Crocker.

The first few episodes weren’t particularly exciting and so many viewers had already left by the time the show began to pick up its pace. In retrospect, the initial two or three episodes weren’t boring or derivative. Like many well-planned story arcs, they were only the first few bricks in a rather impressive building.

In fact, this show distinguishes itself from other ‘outsider in a small town’ series by its genuinely stunning twists and revelations. The writers have also avoided the clichéd ‘will they, won’t they’ meme with their lead characters and have managed to set up a nice love triangle without it being painful or unnatural. The subtlety of the character’s interactions is one of the programme’s greatest strengths.

Last year’s season finale was genuinely gripping and managed to include twists that were both well-telegraphed but also surprising; no mean feat.

As to the town's legendary secrecy about the death of the Colorado Kid and Lucy Ripley, this is something I was finding frustrating until I considered that, maybe as Audrey discovers more about who she is, everyone in town remembers more about what happened. That Audrey's search is quite literally uncovering the truth, not just for herself but for everyone.

Now that would be a twist.
So, if you’re a Haven fan and have any clues, thoughts or speculation on the show, meander on over and let me know.

What’s the secret of the Haven tattoo?

Is the ‘real’ Audrey Parker really Audrey Parker?

Was Max Henson lured back to Haven just to drive the Chief over the edge, rattle Duke, and make Audrey and Duke aware of the tattoo? If so, who was manipulating him? The Rev?

Who are Vince and Dave and what do they know?

Is the Rev really the bad guy? How did he know the Chief was gone?

If Nathan is Max’s son, does it mean he’s one of the tattoo people? How does this relate to his antipathy toward Duke?

And most of all:

Why is Audrey on Duke’s chalkboard?

Sure, you can also comment on if and/or when Audrey may or may not hook up with either of our male leads. But to me, that‘s not the most interesting part of the plot.

What have they done to my shows, Ma?

Supernatural is boring, Doctor Who is goddawful, Sanctuary is enjoyable, Chuck has started retconning itself at land speeds so far unrecorded by man and is fast becoming a ludicrous, meaningless mess, and the Vampire Diaries is fricking awesome. How the hell did that happen?

What planet have I moved to? Can I get home? Is there a bus? A super sonic jet?

I mean, seriously. The highlight of my viewing week at the moment is the Vampire Diaries. I repeat, the Vampire Diaries. Tortured vampire romance with meaningful looks and soapy close ups and convoluted interpersonal relationships and it just had the most kick-ass penultimate episode since Supernatural Season 4.

I maintain that the secret of this show is to introduce some ludicrous mythology or crazy dialogue and then, just as you’re willing to grudgingly accept it in a spirit of ‘suspension of disbelief’, have the viewer find out that it’s made up or the person was lying.

I give you: the Aztec Sun and Moon Curse. Totally ridiculous. Made no sense. Nearly made me throw something at the TV. Turns out, Klaus and Elijah made it up and we have a scene of them laughing about how gullible people are. How awesome is that?

And Sanctuary! Three seasons in and they’ve finally worked it out. It’s never going to be great literature-on-screen but this low-budget green-screen sci-fi show has finally come up with some interesting storylines and has pinned down its characterisation.

Meanwhile, the shark Chuck jumped in Season 3 is back and it’s bigger and badder than ever. How can geeks do this to their own show? They’re geeks! They’re supposed to care about continuity, consistency, characterisation and their show’s mythology. Don’t these people watch their own show?

Over in England, the first three episodes of Doctor Who for this season were a convoluted, disjointed, poorly-written mess that was barely watchable, thus proving that even seemingly great writers like Stephen Moffet can still only pull off one good season of the show. RTD’s reputation has never been given a greater boost.

I had some trepidation when Supernatural was renewed for a sixth season despite Kripke’s original five-season plan. I had hoped to be proved wrong but here we are. Supernatural season 6 isn’t bad per se. It’s just pointless and incredibly boring. They stopped the apocalypse. Why do we care anymore? Sam lost his soul? Yawn.

At this rate, the mid-year shows are going to roll around and I’m going to be wretchedly disappointed in Dexter, True Blood, and Breaking Bad, while discovering that… no, the brain can’t even compute the end of that sentence.

I may not be able to count on my viewing mainstays over the past few years to be any good but at least I can count on Fringe, Smallville and Stargate Universe to be consistently bad. So the bottom hasn’t completely fallen out of my world. (Does SGU’s cancellation mean we finally get the third Stargate SG-1 film we’ve been waiting forever for? Please).

NOTE: Apparently not. The lack of success of the awful SGU has meant the end of the Stargate franchise for now. Thanks ever so much, guys. Well done.

Chuck me Tuesdays: Chuck versus the Break Up

Chuck versus the Break Up

Score: B-

‘Chuck the painfully and embarrassingly jealous’ is rolled out for this episode, which has Sarah and Bryce posing as an overly-affectionate couple for a mission.

The good

Casey. I love how the guy wanders around listening to everything but just pretends he doesn’t see or hear it. His digs throughout this season about Chuck and Sarah’s relationship are hilarious.

Chuck’s conversations with both Bryce and Sarah throughout this episode were wonderful, culminating in the powerful and beautifully-acted ‘break up’ at the end. I really think they needed to spend more time developing Bryce and having Chuck move away from the ‘nemesis’ conception of the guy before *spoiler alert* killing him off at the end of the season. 

Ana (remember Ana?) beating Mitt to a pulp was awesome.

The bad

A TWOP reviewer once said of Chuck that he found it strange that he hated 1/3 of his ‘favourite’ show. In this, I can relate. I both love and hate this episode and it’s why this review is oddly choppy.

Firstly, ‘Jealous Chuck’ is painful. While writing this review, I rewatched the episode and found myself fast forwarding through ‘Jorge’s’ stint as a waiter. And the B(uy More) plot, where Morgan has to deal with a gang of bullies was ludicrous and unwatchable.

The Chuckalicious

It’s so very Chuck that he needs Bryce to tell him that Sarah has feelings for him and to point out that maybe that’s not such a good thing. Chuck acts with such maturity at the end; a beautiful contrast to the moron he is at the beginning.

Bryce slipping Chuck the ‘real spy’s’ sunglasses was just fantastic. After all, if he hadn’t have wanted to be a spy, he would never have put them on. And to go out on Chuck’s “I hate Bryce Larkin” gave me a giggle.

The geekalicious

This trio of stories were more concerned with character rather than plot so there are very few moments of “geekaliciousness”. I will, however, mention ‘sweep the leg’ from the Karate Kid because they use it quite a bit in this season.

And - my personal favourite - the Grosse Point Blank reference to Paraguay

Chuck me Tuesdays: Chuck versus the Seduction

Chuck versus the Seduction

Score: B+

Team Chuck have to get the real intersect cipher from former KGB agent Sasha Banacheck (the always-underrated Melinda Clarke ), something that apparently can only be done by having Chuck seduce her. Honestly, they couldn’t come up with a better plan? A solid episode with lots of laughs and the odd embarrassed squirm as CIA super seducer Roan Montgomery (John Larroquette) tries to teach Chuck to be a seduction master. No, really. And if you can come out of this episode not craving a martini you’re a better woman (or man) than I.

The good

There's so much going in this episode that I'm bound to have missed something in this review: Chuck's growth as a spy, real development in his and Sarah's relationship, Lester's surprisingly-amusing stint as Assistant Manager (including the 'Ass Man' sign), the subtle implication that Roan and Beckman are involved, a nice tie-in between Awesome and Chuck's seduction techniques (or lack thereof), and Bryce Larkin's surprise arrival at the end.

Awesome’s “evening of intense seduction” designed by Morgan was hilarious, as was his “I’m going to kill the furry little bastard” when it all goes horribly, horribly wrong. The fact that Awesome is as bad at seduction as Chuck is a nice touch by the writers.

John Larroquette’s Roan Montgomery is an appealing character and his interactions with our own Chuck are surprisingly poignant considering you’d expect his portrayal to be “walking Bond cliché”. I remember when this show got a lot of mileage out of burnt-out agents learning something from the simple honour of Mr Bartowski and this is one of those episodes.

The bad

There’s a fine line between ‘dopey and adorable’ and ‘dopey and painful’ and some of Chuck’s “seduction” scenes (and his Buy More scene) fell of the edge they were dancing on. Also, as far as the CIA’s plans go this has got to be the worst. Why on Earth would they use a clueless, untrained, yet vital intelligence resource to seduce the “Black Widow”?

The Chuckalicious

Once again, the show gives us a smoking-hot kiss that puts even “Chuck versus the Imported Hard Salami” to shame. Number 1 TV kiss ever. I've even put this episode on just to watch that kiss. Again and again. And again. And if that’s not enough to establish our titular hero’s true romantic credentials, getting the CIA to help Awesome was… well… Awesome.

And poor Chuck at the end... damn you Bryce Larkin.

The geekalicious

None. What's going on? 

Chuck me Tuesdays: Chuck versus the First Date

Chuck versus the First Date

Score: A

Team Chuck try to get the new intersect cipher back from awesome bad guy ‘Mr Colt’ (Michael Clarke Duncan) unaware that Casey’s been ordered to kill Chuck as soon as the new computer is complete. Believing he’s about to be free from his spy life, Chuck and Sarah go on their “first real date”/”second first date”.

The good

I loved this episode so it’s difficult to pick out just a few things to rave about. Season 2 was unarguably the best season and everything that was great about it clicks in this episode. The characterisation, the interactions between the leads, the right balance between ‘Chuck the normal, geeky guy’ and ‘Chuck the hero’, Sarah’s perfect mix of bad ass spy and vulnerability, Casey’s duty and loyalty to his country combined with his genuine, older-brother affection for Chuck, and the way the show combines ludicrous spy plots with very real emotion. I very nearly gave it an A+.

The bad

There’s not a single thing I don’t like about this episode: even the clumsy exposition at the beginning and the cage fight for the AM position didn’t bother me too much. It was just awesome.

The Chuckalicious

“Your boss, Carmichael. He’s good.” Mr Colt

I've always loved the humour of Chuck's alter-ego Carmichael being a kick-ass spy so the final scene on the rooftop always leaves me with a smile on my face.

The geekalicious

Lots of Call of Duty references and of course Die Hard.

Chuck me Tuesdays: Chuck versus the Marlin

Chuck versus the Marlin

Score: A

Is there a show more blighted by misfortune and network interference than Chuck? Ok, so Firefly got jacked around more but that was Fox and what else do we expect? Just as the show got picked up for a full season, the writer’s strike hit and the season suddenly ended when it was finally starting to pick up pace. As such, “Chuck versus the Marlin” became the season finale and, while it would work perfectly as the mid-season episode it was supposed to be, it’s not quite powerful enough for our farewell to Season 1.

The team find out that a Fulcrum agent has blown their cover just as Awesome elicits Chuck’s advice on proposing to Ellie. He gives our hero his grandmother’s engagement ring to take care of… right before the Buy More is robbed. Having our cast run around desperately trying to find the agent, the engagement ring and Big Mike’s Marlin could have been the kind of “whacky hijinks” I was complaining about in my last review but it actually works. As the CIA order Chuck into protective custody, the gang has to stop the Fulcrum agent before Chuck has to farewell his normal life for good.

The good

Parts of this episode were so funny that listing them all would take too long. Two of the best were Morgan and Ellie’s jealousy over Chuck confiding in Casey instead of them and the hilarious scene with the couch, Casey, a knife and Ellie. And, when given the opportunity, Big Mike can be the funniest person on the show.

While not the explosive season finale you’d expect, Chuck and Sarah watching Awesome propose to Ellie was just lovely and, knowing that Casey is reluctantly preparing to kill Chuck if ordered to do so, his role in the final scene is particularly poignant.

The bad

Noureen DeWulf is so poorly cast as pita delivery girl and Fulcrum agent Lizzie that her screentime verged on the painful. Obviously cast for her ability to flounce around in short shorts, the idea that she could in any way challenge, let alone beat, our ass-kicking Sarah Walker in a one-on-one was downright laughable. Also, she discovers Chuck is the Intersect and… doesn’t tell anybody about it? Seriously?

The Chuckalicious

The scene on the helipad as Sarah farewells Chuck is emotionally pitch-perfect and makes me mourn a little for the Season 1 that will never be. Zachary Levi and Yvonne Strahovski sell their characters 110% and it’s scenes like this that truly make me love this show.

The geekalicious

There were surprisingly-few pop culture references, particularly for the season finale of a show devoted to them. But then, it was never intended to be the season finale so I’ll excuse it. Just this once.

Chuck me Tuesdays: Chuck versus the Undercover Lover

Chuck versus the Undercover Lover

Score: A

After last week’s wince fest, Phil Klemmer wrote this Casablanca-inspired gem that is possibly my favourite episode from the first season.

Chuck flashes on a "douche bag convention" of Russian arms dealers and in doing so finds out that Casey’s lover Ilsa Trinchina is still alive after faking her own death in Chechnya several years before. As Chuck tries to dig up Casey’s inner romantic, he digs up Ilsa’s shady spy past as well.

The good

For once I enjoyed the B(uy More) plot and the show did a good job of integrating Ellie, Awesome, Morgan and the Buymorons into the secondary storyline as well as developing Ellie and Awesome’s relationship. This was the first sign that Morgan could be more than “Chuck’s annoying little bearded friend”.

The insight into Casey’s character was intelligent and consistent and it was great to see him open up to Chuck. Knowing that he’s been tasked to kill Chuck in the near future made their bonding bittersweet: you can see exactly why Casey will find it hard to pull the trigger when the time comes.

The bad

“It’s alive!!!”

This show falls down consistently when it tries to be “whacky” rather than witty (which is why the Buy More plots tend to leave me a little cold) and Chuck’s strange yelling of this phrase is the epitome of this. Still, these moments are few and far between in this otherwise great episode so this section is refreshingly light on.

The Chuckalicious

“You don’t know who’s on top”.

Who doesn’t love some Chuck/Casey brotherly bonding and this episode gave us the best of their relationship. From conspiring for Casey to reconnect with Ilsa to hiding under the bed while she’s rolling around with somebody else, this was Chuck and Casey’s moment to shine. And they did just that, culminating in an awesome (sip) fight scene and plunge to the hotel swimming pool below.

I’ve never been a Neil Diamond fan, but after this episode I downloaded “Love on the Rocks” and play it… a LOT.

The geekalicious

Casablanca reigns supreme. Ilsa is named for Rick's ex-girlfriend in Casablanca and her Russian fiancé’s name is Victor after Ilsa's husband in Casablanca. Casey is even watching Casablanca in the home theatre room when Ilsa comes to see him. And of course, Ilsa flies away at the end, leaving Chuck to tell Casey, “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship".

Chuck me Tuesdays: Chuck versus the Crown Vic

Chuck versus the Crown Vic

Score: C

Following Sarah’s choice of Team Chuck over Team Bryce, Chuck and Sarah go undercover on a mission to foil a counterfeiter - a mission made more difficult due to Chuck’s jealousy and general all-round idiocy. Meanwhile, Morgan behaves like a dick as well. And if a general sense that this episode was painful bleeds through this review, it’s because it was.

The good

“I hate this assignment.”

Adam Baldwin’s Casey is, as always, hilarious and the car wash scene with his precious Crown Victoria was brilliant. “Carmichael’s” and Sarah’s “fight” at the end is so gloriously overacted that it remains a Chuck highlight for me.

And, of course, the poignancy of the termination order at the end was powerfully done. Poor Casey.

The bad

The ‘B’(uy More) plot. Again.

While slightly redeeming himself at the end, Chuck was so incompetent in this episode that Sarah was doubtless wishing she’d run away with Bryce. From losing $100k at the casino and having an open breakdown about it to behaving like a whingy little child about his nemesis, I’m surprised he didn’t drive Sarah straight to Omaha.

Our hero may be emotional and insecure but he’s also an adult, something the writers in this episode seemed to forget.

The Chuckalicious

Exploding Crown Victoria’s aside, the ‘win’ moment for me from this episode was when Chuck runs around trying to get someone to believe him about his flash on Morgan’s photo and Sarah unhesitatingly leaps to his aid despite all their fights. And the scene at the Buy More Christmas party was just lovely.

The geekalicious

Love Boat references abound and of course Morgan being Morgan has to do a Titanic homage. And dat’s ‘bout it.

Chuck me Tuesdays: Chuck versus the Nemesis

Chuck versus the Nemesis

Score: B+

What the world needs is definitely more Klingon.

Bryce Larkin comes back from the dead with the answers Chuck’s been after and he brings a new nemesis with him. Fulcrum is our bad guy. Write it down. Of course, it’s not the only nemesis referred to by the title. Bryce Larkin is, after all, awesome and it's hard not to feel intimidated by the woman you love's perfect ex. Particularly if he got you kicked out of Stanford (sip).

The good

Matthew Bomer. ‘Nough said.

The bad

Pineapple. I know that contrivances are spy movie clichés and that this show glories in them but the ‘pineapple’ Buy More subplot was kind of ridiculous. Not so ridiculous that we didn’t enjoy it, however, and so it’s forgiven.

And sweet potatoes with marshmallows in them? I guess it's the Australian in me but that sounds disgusting. And do Americans really eat icecream on steak? Bleh.

The Chuckalicious

Matthew Bomer. Don’t get me wrong, I love Zachary Levi’s Chuck but how can you go past Bomer’s sexy, perfect Bryce. He’s a super spy with a heart of gold who’s not afraid to geek out with his old friend. And until Bond brings himself to save the world with Klingon, Bryce Larkin wins the spy award hands down.

The Thanksgiving dinner scene with Ellie, Morgan, Anna and the sweet potatoes was funny as hell and Chuck’s Thanksgiving speech that he’s “thankful Bryce Larkin is dead and not in his bedroom making out with his new girlfriend” was hilarious, particularly when followed by Morgan and Awesome’s “Dude, that was dark. And specific.”

The geekalicious

Apart from the Casablanca reference "we'll always have Omaha" there's not much going on in this episode that I saw.

Unless you count the Klingon. Bryce and Chuck save the day with Klingon. Did I mention the Klingon?

Chuck me Tuesdays TBC

So, having been inspired by the significant improvement in Chuck Season 4 versus the generally-awful Chuck Season 3, I've decided to come off hiatus and finish the Chuck me Tuesdays segments. I'll try to do one a week until I catch up to the current season. How Chucktastic is that?